| | So, I've initiated a rumor about myself in the past few months, but I think I may have done so a bit prematurely, because the rumor I've allowed to spread is not totally true, mainly because I have been a bit confused. Suddenly however, the confusion is over and I now have a good understanding of myself and my feelings. I think it's time that I take the reigns on this matter and set the record straight.
To preface this entry, I will say a few things. First of all, while I accept this aspect of myself totally and am now comfortable with it, I'm still a bit uncomfortable about broadcasting this rumor publicly because it will mean I no longer have any control over who ends up with this knowledge. As this blog will be syndicated on facebook, all of my facebook friends will potentially read this. Including certain family members. I can't predict how these people will react, or what they will do with this information about me, and that unpredictability really makes me uncomfortable.
The main people I am worried about finding this out are my parents and other (older) family members because I really don't think they will understand or be at all accepting. For the time being i'm definitely okay with them not being introduced to this aspect of my personality. But I know if I post this blog, there will be nothing stopping anyone from telling them. I'm pretty sure they already think I'm going to hell :P That's just the kind of religion they are into.
In addition, the beliefs I've adopted are pretty ... non-traditional. And non-conforming to social norms. So I don't expect everyone to totally understand and agree with the viewpoints that I'm about to describe. It's alright though, I do my fair share of judging. I just want to get everything out there and dispel the confusion surrounding this issue about me, for my sake mostly but also for you guys.
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Well, here we go. Are you ready?
So the rumor is that I'm gay. The thing is though, this is not totally true ... my bad. Let me start this rumor over on the correct foot (for me, this is the left one) and confirm it personally. I'm bisexual.
Now, let me elaborate on this and provide some background information. I'll do it in the form of a FAQ.
Q: Okay, so ... wait, what ??
A:
To start off, maybe I should discuss some of my views on sexuality in general, to make myself more clear. Our society is based on concepts in the human mind, and the human mind loves to put labels on things and separate groups of things into categories to make sense of them. There's a lot of pressure to conform to a particular category, especially when it comes to this topic. Are you gay, or are you straight? I personally don't believe that sexual orientation is actually such a polarized trait. Like so many other things in this world, it's more of a gradient. Life is one big gray area.
Most of the confusion I've been feeling recently stems from this problem. It really bothered me that I couldn't figure out which category i belonged to, and it was difficult for me to accept that I couldn't fit into either. But, that's just how I feel. I'm pretty used to not fitting in at this point.
Q: What do you mean by 'bisexual'?
A:
Basically, I find that I'm attracted to both men and women. Looking at sexual orientation as a spectrum, It's possible to have an unequal attraction to both sexes. I actually find that I am more attracted to men than to women, which is why the gay rumor got started. However I certainly can't discount the attraction I have towards women purely for the sake of fitting into one category over the other.
The attraction I feel is physical as well as emotional - it's definitely a sexual thing but it also has a transcendent quality to it. I'm one to believe that while our bodies and minds are sexed to various degrees, our souls are androgynous and have been through many, many incarnations as both male and female (check out Dr. Brian Weiss on this subject).
Q: How long have you felt this way?
A:
I knew I was attracted to women first, but I first noticed an attraction to men when I was in mid-highschool, and that attraction has grown steadily since then. I decided to come out with it now because I couldn't hold it in any longer.
Q: Are you sure this isn't just a phase? Maybe you're just confused.
A:
Simply... no. I'm very very sure.
Q: Have you ever had a boyfriend? Does this interest you?
A:
No, and Yes - well sort of. I don't believe in monogamy necessarily. The reasons for this would take up another whole blog entry, which I might actually post at a later date.
Q: Have you ever ... you know ... with a guy?
A:
Yes, and I'll definitely spare you the details.
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Well, I think I've explained myself pretty thoroughly. I welcome comments and further questions. I hope I don't lose anyone over this, but if so, that's too bad for them. I'm pretty awesome.
That's all for now, see you next time. <3 brandon |
| | Posted 3/27/2009 5:21 AM - 36 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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