linuxaddict11111's Xanga

i was dreaming of the past

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 07:38:10 GMT

and my heart was beating fast...

i'm torn in so many ways about what i should do with my life.

I was born just in time to watch the country fall apart from the inside. It's fascinating but really scary... because it's not just in a book.

I'm caught in a tailspin, unable to work my way out of poverty. I'd like to make more money but I haven't found anything yet.

But at that, what happens when the currency system collapses?

Do I worry too much, at the expense of action?

America is dead, but this is no surprise. Being a state, it was doomed from its inception. We just happen to be living now in the unfortunate time of collapse. Unfortunate in the sense that survival will be difficult. The general public will, at some point in the near future, realize (or admit to themselves) that our entire economic system is indistinguishable from a Ponzi scheme. And then it will all be over.

---

I had a dream where I wanted to show my grandfather my skills at sharpening knives. But when I pulled my whetstone out of my bag, it was shattered into pieces.

---

I want to go back into the land and farm for my living, even if making a living simply means feeding myself. I want to be a hemp farmer. I want to learn about carpentry. I want to learn to hunt with a bow and craft fine bows and knives. I want to learn math and physics and create a generator run by magnets, and then I want to send out the plans on the internet so that anyone can replicate my device. I want the internet to be as free and available and natural as the air we breathe, with no one in charge and no one to charge. I want a cow and a horse and a donkey and some chickens. I want to cook fabulous meals everynight for/with my friends and family.

---

There is some vision. How does one bridge the gap.

ooo

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 07:12:09 GMT

love love love
sorry, sorry
love love love
i'm sorry, i'm sorry,
i love you, i love me,
im so sorry

we're alive, we're okay,
love you love you, love me love me,
please please,
forgive you, forgive me,

don't worry, don't worry,
we are okay, i am okay

xxx

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 06:43:37 GMT

drunk drunk hate me hate me
drunk drunk hate me hate me
why why why?
why do i hate me?
drunk drunk hate me hate me

maturity

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 09:05:02 GMT

I was walking down the road one day when I stumbled across a corn field. Being an inexperienced agriculturalist, and being that my stomach was empty, multiplied by my innate curiosity, I decided to venture into the field.

The first row i came across was the weakest. It faced the road for everyone to see and it obviously was not given the nourishment of the stalks towards the interior of the field. I found no fruit on this row, only stunted corn stalks with no corn to show for them yet.

I ventured yet a few rows further and found a stalk of moderate height, the tassel of which rose to my chest, and near the base of this plant I found a cob which had matured partially. The hair on its head was brown but the outer husk was bright green, and as i cut into it I found a miniature corn cob with firm, pale kernels. The base was firm but the tip was supple and easy to cut through. I sampled a taste of this corn and was disappointed to find that it was not yet ripe. It had a nutty flavor and texture, unlike the creamy, watery texture I am used to.

So I climbed yet deeper into the field until I faced a plant of abnormally large stature, as compared with its brothers and sisters. I found a single ear of ripening corn near the base of this plant, which easily matched my height of just over six feet. As I cut into it, I found every sign of ripeness, except for actual ripeness. I tore away the husk and the tuft of hair at the tip of the husk. I sliced through the top and the bottom and stood in the darkness, beholding something familiar. It was as long as an ear of corn that one would find in a grocery store, but I had just cut it away from a living plant!

But as I bit into it, I found myself yet again, disappointed. The kernels were firm, with the texture and flavor of a coconut. So, I walked home empty-handed, resolving to revisit the field in a week's time, or perhaps two weeks.

What is the moral of this story? It's a parable. Get it? None of the corn is ready, not even the biggest, healthiest ones of the bunch. It will be soon, but I'll have to be patient until then.

---

just a storry written while drunk. goodnite all, <3 brandon

zero edits, take that! hu-yah! i should drink and write more often.

stress

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:30:23 GMT

the suffering in my life which i experience as stress, is the birthing pain of a new reality which is greater than i could possibly imagine. I am here as a catalyst for a new era.

sexuality.

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 09:21:14 GMT

So, I've initiated a rumor about myself in the past few months, but I think I may have done so a bit prematurely, because the rumor I've allowed to spread is not totally true, mainly because I have been a bit confused. Suddenly however, the confusion is over and I now have a good understanding of myself and my feelings. I think it's time that I take the reigns on this matter and set the record straight.

To preface this entry, I will say a few things. First of all, while I accept this aspect of myself totally and am now comfortable with it, I'm still a bit uncomfortable about broadcasting this rumor publicly because it will mean I no longer have any control over who ends up with this knowledge. As this blog will be syndicated on facebook, all of my facebook friends will potentially read this. Including certain family members. I can't predict how these people will react, or what they will do with this information about me, and that unpredictability really makes me uncomfortable.

The main people I am worried about finding this out are my parents and other (older) family members because I really don't think they will understand or be at all accepting. For the time being i'm definitely okay with them not being introduced to this aspect of my personality. But I know if I post this blog, there will be nothing stopping anyone from telling them. I'm pretty sure they already think I'm going to hell :P That's just the kind of religion they are into.

In addition, the beliefs I've adopted are pretty ... non-traditional. And non-conforming to social norms. So I don't expect everyone to totally understand and agree with the viewpoints that I'm about to describe. It's alright though, I do my fair share of judging. I just want to get everything out there and dispel the confusion surrounding this issue about me, for my sake mostly but also for you guys.

---

Well, here we go. Are you ready?

So the rumor is that I'm gay. The thing is though, this is not totally true ... my bad. Let me start this rumor over on the correct foot (for me, this is the left one) and confirm it personally. I'm bisexual.

Now, let me elaborate on this and provide some background information. I'll do it in the form of a FAQ.

Q: Okay, so ... wait, what ??
A:
To start off, maybe I should discuss some of my views on sexuality in general, to make myself more clear. Our society is based on concepts in the human mind, and the human mind loves to put labels on things and separate groups of things into categories to make sense of them. There's a lot of pressure to conform to a particular category, especially when it comes to this topic. Are you gay, or are you straight? I personally don't believe that sexual orientation is actually such a polarized trait. Like so many other things in this world, it's more of a gradient. Life is one big gray area.

Most of the confusion I've been feeling recently stems from this problem. It really bothered me that I couldn't figure out which category i belonged to, and it was difficult for me to accept that I couldn't fit into either. But, that's just how I feel. I'm pretty used to not fitting in at this point.

Q: What do you mean by 'bisexual'?
A:
Basically, I find that I'm attracted to both men and women. Looking at sexual orientation as a spectrum, It's possible to have an unequal attraction to both sexes. I actually find that I am more attracted to men than to women, which is why the gay rumor got started. However I certainly can't discount the attraction I have towards women purely for the sake of fitting into one category over the other.

The attraction I feel is physical as well as emotional - it's definitely a sexual thing but it also has a transcendent quality to it. I'm one to believe that while our bodies and minds are sexed to various degrees, our souls are androgynous and have been through many, many incarnations as both male and female (check out Dr. Brian Weiss on this subject).

Q: How long have you felt this way?
A:
I knew I was attracted to women first, but I first noticed an attraction to men when I was in mid-highschool, and that attraction has grown steadily since then. I decided to come out with it now because I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Q: Are you sure this isn't just a phase? Maybe you're just confused.
A:
Simply... no. I'm very very sure.

Q: Have you ever had a boyfriend? Does this interest you?
A:
No, and Yes - well sort of. I don't believe in monogamy necessarily. The reasons for this would take up another whole blog entry, which I might actually post at a later date.

Q: Have you ever ... you know ... with a guy?
A:
Yes, and I'll definitely spare you the details.

---

Well, I think I've explained myself pretty thoroughly. I welcome comments and further questions. I hope I don't lose anyone over this, but if so, that's too bad for them. I'm pretty awesome.

That's all for now, see you next time. <3 brandon

try try agian

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 07:29:11 GMT

I don't feel like my last entry really hit the spot.

I've been thinking a lot about the crash, what's going to happen, what it all means. My heart is heavy with the knowledge of what is soon to come. I still feel very bottled up because I only have a handful of people to actually talk to about this subject.

My family and parents, blissfully unaware of the scope of this so-called 'recession', still pester me about my economic plans, career, school, and so forth. I think they pity me because while I am highly intelligent and have great potential for success, they feel as though I'm slipping through the cracks. All they see is my external lifestyle (which is not completely healthy, I've made some poor lifestyle choices such as cigarettes); my failure in school; I make pizza for a meager living; I've gotten myself entangled in the legal system thanks to evil laws against cannabis; my credit rating is ruined, thanks to student loans which I will never repay; I'm not married, yet my girlfriend now lives with me. Economically, my life is in a tailspin, especially from the traditional Christian American perspective where you go to college, get a job, get a mortgage, spawn, then retire, die, and go to heaven.

(as a side note, mortgage is an interesting word: mort i believe means 'death' and a google search tells me that gage means 'pledge' ... death-pledge? what an unpleasant sounding contract!)

But, in light of the fact that the actual -economy- is in a tailspin, I don't feel so bad. On top of that, I don't much care for the way our culture measures success, and I don't want to be successful in that way.

I believe that the crash is going to be mostly fatal for America, and like everyone else, my first thoughts go out to my friends and family, especially my parents, who I want to make peace with before I have to leave, if I decide to do so, or before something unforseen happens. They are a factor in my decision making process for better or worse. Regardless of the crash, there are problems between us at the moment.

I feel that there is an uncrossable gulf between my parents and myself, spiritually. These are my grievances: My parents are traditional baptist Christians, and you might go so far as to label them fundamentalists; bible literalists. If you're into labeling. The basic premise of this ideology, as most Americans are intimately aware, is that humans are born into the world inheriting a fundamental human flaw, sin, disobedience to Jahweh. As mere imperfect mortal beings, we can do nothing of our own accord to extricate ourselves from our sinful nature. One single sin is all it takes to be cast into eternal hellfire. In order that all of humanity would not be lost, it was necessary for a sinless being to be punished on our behalf, by torture and death. Only those who respect this blood contract are able to be in the presence of Jahweh after their time on earth is finished. Those who deny the contract are damned to eternal torture.

I don't want to offend any of my two readers, or my parents if they ever read this. What it boils down to is that you have to respect the sanctity and eternal truth of the Bible, which I can't do. I personally see little to no difference between Christianity and any other cult. Cults brainwash their members in order to exploit them. Religious people merge their identity with their belief system in such a powerful way that any attack on christianity is an attack on them personally! It's a defense mechanism, part of brainwashing! Study it!

Here is the edge of the uncrossable gulf: from my perspective, I am ultimately on their team. I am not an atheist, I'm not out to do evil. Far from it! But from their perspective, I'm not saved, I'm a lost sheep! But who would want to be a part of a herd? Don't you know that shepherds raise sheep to EAT them?

The gulf exists because neither of us can relate to the other's perspective. I have rejected an entire childhood of religious instruction and indoctrination; my parents can't learn from my point of view because of their beliefs about belief and the rigidity of the religion that they follow. I have a hard time learning from their point of view because of how cultish and twisted I find the whole religion to be. There is a blockage of ideas which is highly suffocating. From my perspective, the dilemma ultimately boils down to the fact that my mind is free and theirs are being held hostage. I am free to question my beliefs about anything on a whim, but they are not free to do so; christianity robs one of power over oneself. It's so suffocating that I can't talk to them because I don't know how. It's like I can hear them but they can't hear me!

I am not religious whatsoever but I know that God is love, and that spirit moves through all things. Other than that, the universe is a playground for God to play in and to learn about God-ness. By God I refer to the One Infinite Creator - this is my favorite term for God. I feel that on a fundamental level, we are all hallucinations, ideas, inside of God's mind.

---

Back to the topic of the crash - America is about to be repo'd. The -real- truth, of course, is that no one owns anything on the earth, not a single square nanometer of the earth belongs to any man. As Alan Watts put it, we are to the earth as the the apple is to the tree - the tree apples, and the earth peoples. But alas, the mass hallucination of money and materialism continues to grip the human psyche.

The literal material cause of this crash is multi-multi-faceted. The root issue is money, which has no sense of morality, only profit (and money itself is only a symptom of a deeper psychological problem in human culture). Money allows corporations to use cheap slave labor in foreign countries to produce our goods for us which are then cleanly imported on ships, trucked into our towns, and placed on shelves for us to purchase. I think I read that manufactured goods make up only 13% of our GDP in america. Many people are now aware of this. It's like the episode of the Twilight Zone where there's this box with a button, and if you push it you get a million dollars, but someone that you don't know dies.

On top of this, our fiat currency is created out of thin air in massive quantities by the evil Federal Reserve, which Andrew Jackson was not around to kill for us in 1913. The video to watch on this subject is called "Money as Debt", available on google video.

In fact, the original great depression was caused by a miniature credit bubble burst. This is their tactic - they expand the money supply on false pretenses, by creating it out of thin air and loaning it out, then they call in large numbers of loans at the same time, which people can't repay. It's like a domino effect, only it's exponential... as if one domino knocked over two dominoes, and those knocked down two more dominoes, and so forth until the money supply shrinks back to its original (natural?) size.

This time around, it will be many many times worse. At least back then, the value of money was coupled to a tangible asset (gold). Not so now. And back then, we still had a manufacturing base and we still had native oil to go around. Now we import 2/3's of our oil and import billions of dollars worth of goods every year (on credit). When we default, we will have that much less oil to go around - and as far as jobs are concerned ... there's little for us to do. Our service economy will not stand when no one has money or credit to buy frivolous things.

I believe that the crash will lead to the adoption of the amero, the dissolution of the USA and the formation of the north american union. Some other nasty stuff, like martial law, will come right along with it. The ultimate goal is the consolidation of power into a world government. For the christians among us, this is the antichrist.

(side note: I'm not sure how I feel about biblical prohecy, but many of us know that secret societies use the bible as an encoded way to pass occult truths down through their highest ranks by word of mouth. I feel that revelation is more of a script than a prophecy.)

---

After much deliberation and weighing of options, I know that resistance is futile. The machine is too big and strong for a single person, or even a million, to make much difference by force. The best weapon against them is freedom of information, and the internet is our vessel for that weapon. On this front, we have already won, as more and more people are waking up from their brainwashed coma. 100th monkey.

Still, the momentum of this machine will not be stopped, the number of dissidents will probably not rise to levels that will overwhelm its military efforts. I believe that the best chance for the enlightened will be to go underground and wait for things to simmer down. I think of the Matrix vs. Zion... the matrix is not about AI, it is about the spirit; and this situation is not just about authoritarianism vs. freedom, it's about good vs. evil.

For now, I wait, watch, and get ready. I am satisfied with this entry, so I will go to bed now. Goodnight.

eeeooowww, click

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 02:16:23 GMT

Today I would like to talk about the crash.

I haven't been updating lately -- I've thought about writing often but never quite know what to say. I have a lot on my mind that I would like to express, but I don't even know where to start. I spend a lot of my time taking in information, and in my head I have a pretty good understanding of this whole situation, but it's very difficult to find the beginning of the thread. Like untangling a fishing line.

Even now I don't know quite where I should start - but I suppose it's better to start somewhere than nowhere.

---

It's come to my attention through personal research, made possible by the internet and an abundance of free time, that Depression 2.0 is coming (or is here already). People not intimately plugged into the internet, such as my parents, or anyone over the age of about 30, have probably not done much research on the subject, or even really heard any of these ideas, except for those ideas that filter through newspapers or TV, or through the grapevine. On top of that, extrapolating the future is always a laborious task. It takes hundreds, or thousands of hours of research to become 'literate' on this topic.

And hours, I have had in abundance, afforded by my "slacker" lifestyle. So I have become rather knowledgeable. In the words of michael savage, I am an Amateur with a capital 'a'. I've seen it all, from reptilian aliens to time traveling post-humans, to predictions of the apocalypse; zeitgeist 1&2, alex jones, david icke, loose change, money as debt, ishmael by daniel quinn, david wilcock, 2012, freedom to fascism, run from the cure; bilderberg; CFR; IMF; FEMA; illuminati; freemasons; Rothschild, Morgan, Rockefeller; Jordan maxwell; Michael Tsarion; all of these are (a few of the) people and subjects that I find interesting and have done research on, although certainly, not all of them are relevant in the real world. But do google them, and google video them.

The trick is, with all of this kind of information, deciding what is worth taking into account as factual or semi-factual, or important, or irrelevant, or outright false. There are a lot of crazy things out there, and it's easy to get stuck in a whirlpool of dis-/mis-information... especially on the internet, where barack obama can stand on the same platform (youtube) as any other crazy person, and they both can say anything they want.

I've come to a place where I've taken in basically all that I can find that's worth taking in, plus a lot of stuff that's not worth taking in, and now it's time for me to explode.

---

I would like to present an overview of what I think is happening, why, and what is probably going to follow. The reason I am doing this is like a gag reflex. My mind needs to vomit.

The first thing I need to get out of the way: Money is Pure Evil.
First of all, it's a fact that fiat money = debt. (link: watch this video)

My personal views on money are as follows: Money is a philosophy that is destroying humanity from the inside out. Money is enslavement. Money is disequilibrium (or Misequilibrium!) Money is the flow of power from the bottom to the top. Money divides us and teaches that we should compete against each other and against the earth. Money is a symptom of what is wrong with the mind of the civilized human. Money is the objectification of community and life. Money, it's a gas. These among other thoughts.

---

I almost don't want to get into details because there's so much information already in existence that it would be redundant for me to reiterate it.

What's true is that there are a secret group of elites, bankers, and powerful men, behind and above the smokescreen of government, who are trying (and succeeding) to bring about a worldwide economic collapse in order to seize control of (cheaply buy up) all nations and bring the world under a one world government. The collapse is largely manufactured, just as the great depression was manufactured, but on a vastly larger scale.

The economic collapse will be used as an excuse, first to dissolve the USA (and countries that are linked to it), then to bring in martial law in a hybrid soviet/nazi style. They want to microchip everyone and turn us into robot slaves, as well as bring the world population down to 500 million and hold it there.

Well, unfortunately for them, their plans have been busted wide open and we pretty much know exactly what they are up to. Thank you internet ... proof that they are not all-knowing or all-powerful. They should have seen this coming when they allowed us to set it up! Eventually they will take it out, however. Which is why I've been stockpiling information so voraciously.

---

Another facet to all of this, is that the world machine of civilization is dependent on the earth, which it is killing like a virus. The status quo is basically turning the world into a desert through deforestation and topsoil erosion, mining, and other kinds of exploitation. Then there's peak oil. And then ...

---

The situation of the world is so endlessly complex that it's impossible to try and go through everything and make total sense of it. I do believe in the crash, however - conspiracies aside, you can't expect our country to live on ever-expanding credit that we no longer have the ability to repay. We will eventually have to default, which will mean, no more chinese imports, no more oil imports, no more dollar.

---

More than anything, my mind is consumed with the question of, what to do? What is going to happen?
- stay here in the suburbs?
- buy or squat land and homestead it?
- get taken to a fema camp?
- go to the woods?
- go to another country?
- tour the countryside?
- help rebuild the earth as a garden of eden in the ashes of civilization?
- join a militia?
- get a real job because everything is fine?
- ???
- profit?

boy are we in trouble.

---

thank you for bearing with this mess of a blog entry. the next one will make sense.

jules henry

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 11:35:18 GMT

i don't know who jules henry is at the moment but he said this once:

"To think deeply in our culture is to grow angry and to anger others; and if you cannot tolerate this anger, you are wasting the time you spend thinking deeply. One of the rewards of deep thought is the hot glow of anger at discovering a wrong, but if anger is taboo, thought will starve to death."

There is a lot of wrong to discover in the world ...

i

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 11:10:50 GMT

i am in love with a man.
i am in love with a woman.
i am in love with myself;
i am both;
i am neither.